It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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