just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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