Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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