tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
