life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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