I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
