I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
