I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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