I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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