i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Randomize
