well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
