You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
