i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
