i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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