this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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