I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
