i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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