fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My hand turned me down
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
