Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
