so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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