I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
