please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
