All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
