Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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