My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
