I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
