after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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