my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
