hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I think i got beer on your cat.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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