remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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