There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
