If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
