In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
