I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize