great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
