I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
