She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
