i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
