mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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