Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
