Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think my fart just growled at me.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
