His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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