I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Hippo gnu deer
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
