My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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