i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
