those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
