im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
