so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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