theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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