So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
