FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
