I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
where does the pee come out of this thing
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
