Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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