I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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