Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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