This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
