Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
why do cheetos always look like penises
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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