yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
