There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
