it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
