I want to have your abortion
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
