Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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