If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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