Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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