please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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