She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
