Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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