THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
